Bumpity Bump..............

I do a lot of driving in my job - which gives me time and space to listen & think. Driving can inspire, soothe & speak to me in all kinds of ways.

Cars provide a 'safe space' - my own little bubble of being................ usually................

Today I was rudely reminded that the 'bubble' of my car isn't as protective as I would like to think it is, and that it is possible to connect with the world outside in an unexpected and very unwelcome way....... That I'm not so totally safe............. because I had an accident on the way home. A timely reminder that sometimes our 'safe spaces' aren't always as safe as we would like to think they are.............

We create 'safe spaces' in all kinds of ways - some of them good and helpful - where they provide rest, restoration and the opportunity to reconnect with God and others. But we can also create 'bubbles' that are not so good - C.S Lewis puts it well

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Bubbles that we retreat into to protect ourselves feel safe. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes: silence, withdrawal, lack of commitment, inconsistency, 'self-destruct', independence, - we all have our individual ways of putting barriers up. But these bubbles of safety are just illusions - all they really do is disconnect us from God and others. Safe - but dying inside...........

Today I was jolted out of my safe feeling in a car. Too often I need to be pulled away from my desire to hide, protect and run away from the people and things in my life that might hurt me. Every day I need to be reminded to lay down my self-protective habits and learn more from the Master about the sacrificial, unconditional love that leaves me very vulnerable - but truly alive...........

Stop the world..............

...........I want to get off!

Sometimes life is very complicated..............
Perplexing, painful, confusing or just plain busy.
At times like this we need to retreat to that deep inner place
from which it is possible to say 'everything is all right' - even when it's 'all wrong'.
That inner place where God dwells one-on-one.
The place he invites me to often, but I am careless with my attendance.
The place I lose my way back to, but know I will find again.
The place only he and I know.
The place of Mary not Martha, where I can sleep in the storm.
The place created by him with love - just for me.

“.....every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper”
Henri Nouwen

25 Lesser known things..............

I have been tagged with this in several different ways - eventually I surrender! Have combined different versions -
so to stop the nonsense - here goes..................

1. I love 'kids' sweets, but have never understood the attraction of sherbet
2. The sound-track of my life would be 'Blue Monday' by New Order
3. I remember the first time I trod barefoot on a slug
4. I have always wanted to be Lorelei from 'Gilmore Girls'
5. I rarely get enough sleep - I'm a night bird who never wants the day to end. I can be irritatingly chirpy or the grumpiest grump in the morning
6. I love opera & classical music. I wish I knew more about them
7. I am fussy about coffee, tea and chocolate - a good Chai Latte is my current soul soother of choice
8. I can explain the offside rule - I learned it to impress a boy.....
9. I wish I had learned to read music - I can play the violin, trombone and sing - but only by ear
10. I believe life is too short for bad wine, cheap chocolate, boring conversation and wasted moments
11. I hate things like this so I'm not telling you anything else
12. There are many other interesting things about me, but I'd rather you discovered them by getting to know me better..............

Birthdays.............

are beautiful things, and this year I have been particularly spoiled by people who love me - for whom I am very grateful...........

Dirty..................

"Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume." Luke 7

This woman broke all the rules. She wasn't perfect, she didn't fall in with convention, and she hadn't been invited. She braved the disapproval of those who made and monitored the rules. The ones who thought they knew what was right, who you can almost hear tutting in the background. She cries because she is broken and bleeding. She knows she is in a mess, but in Jesus she knows that she has found the one who will accept her at her very worst even though she has broken all the rules.

Sometimes how we feel breaks all the rules. We don't feel what we 'should', or we feel what we 'shouldn't'. Sometimes rather than admitting what we really feel, we decide to make ourselves fell differently, or if we can't - we decide to feel nothing at all.

Sometimes we need to be like this woman, and trust that 'keeping the rules' matters less to Jesus than pouring out perfume and tears at his feet, ignoring the tutting and the disapproval of the rule makers. Sometimes we need to simply come and let Jesus deal with our mess............

Sometimes we need to tut less and love more.............

Memories are made of this..........

Today I have smiled all day at the memory of a sweet moment from over 25 years ago when I 'met a boy'.

Not that I hadn't met any boys before, but this was one of those significant boy-moments that stay with us girls for life...............
I went to an all girls school, so boys were something of a mystery.........and frankly still are....

My school organised a sponsored 3-legged marathon followed by a disco to raise money for charity - not unusual in itself, except that in order to take part you had to be in a 3-legged couple with a boy! A clever ploy to raise interest - and clearly it worked - I have no idea what charity was involved, or how much we raised, but even now could tell you exactly what I was wearing..............

My sweet moment wasn't about my 3-legged experience though - it was with a total stranger I met later - who I spent the entire evening with. A boy who was supposed to leave at 9 0'clock - an hour before the disco finished.......... A boy who at 8:55 wound his watch back an hour so that he could stay with me until the end of the evening even though he would be in trouble for being home late......

I can still remember that sweet feeling of realising that this boy wanted to spend a whole extra hour with just me, the sheer romance and delight in that moment.

That is the delight that we can know every day from our Jesus - the total delight in our company, the sheer romance of knowing ourselves loved by him - the many different ways every day that he breathes love into our lives - in the beauty of a quiet moment, a word from a friend, a 'laugh out loud' that comes deep from our soul, a glimpse of his presence in another, the sound of a bird, the sight of a sunset - so many things remind us in every moment that "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. " Lamentations 3:22.

God loves me big and new every morning - and every day I learn more about truly loving him back.........

God falls in love with me all over again every day of my life - and I am learning to do the same.............

Why do we..........

..........struggle so hard to 'take Jesus to places' - and miss the fact that he's already there?

..........often find ourselves doing what Jesus never did - and rarely doing the things he always did?

..........often try to 'travel alone' when Jesus sent out two by two?

Sometimes.................

Sometimes our struggle is not so much loving God and others more - but more letting ourselves be loved.......

Sometimes we need to set aside the things we try to do and be to prove that we are loveable, and just let ourselves be loved.......

Sometimes this is the greatest battle of all............