Just me

Broken

2011-01-20T20:25:00.001Z

I read this last night......

"While he was in Bethany...... a woman came with an alabaster jar of perfume, or pure Nard, very costly and precious; and she broke the jar and poured the perfume over his head....." Mark 14:3

It's a passage that is quite familiar - so familiar in fact that there is a danger that we just pass it by and move on - a woman comes up and pours perfume (Nard - whatever that is - but I'm guessing it must have smelled ok!), over Jesus in an act of thanks and worship that gets the disciples' treasurer all hot and bothered over the 'waste'.

One thing that has never struck me before is that she broke open the jar of perfume & poured it on him - not a quick spray, or a light dusting..... The woman was fully committed to the act of thanks and worship she had started - no going back on the pouring front - once she had broken open the seal on the jar, she was all in.....

Broken things are usually thrown away - and broken people seen as weak and out of control. How people shy away from brokenness, seeing it as something to be avoided at all costs. How much money do people spend on self-help books every year that promise to make us whole and 'unbroken'?

If the seal on the jar hadn't been broken, the essence of the perfume would never have made it out - it would have remained just a nice smell in a jar.

We all carry beauty inside - our relationship with God inside - the presence of the Holy Spirit dwells within us, and yet we still struggle to remain unbroken.

Like the symbolic pouring of her most treasured thing - we need to be broken to God to let the powerful things inside us pour out. Being broken to God isn't weak, feeble or something to be ashamed of - quite the opposite........

Being broken to God, is the beginning of courage, strength and a truly different way of living...........

Sky Pods & Sunflower Seeds.........

2010-10-19T20:46:00.008+01:00

Been in London today having great conversations with interesting people. Looking up at the London Eye and imagining how different the view of London was from the Pods, compared to what I could see - I was struck by how easy it is to get so bogged down with the day-to-day things of life, that we lose our perspective on the bigger picture........

Like Moses in the wilderness who could only do one day at a time - but needed to remember the promise of what was to come.... Our day to day is important - and can bring a rich mix of joy, sorrow, excitement and struggle, but more important is the bigger picture - and our part in it. The danger is that the day to day that we can see, squeezes out God's bigger picture perspective, that sometimes we can't..........

I also spent a (frankly puzzling) half hour at the new Tate Modern Sunflower Seeds installation by Ai Weiwei - I'm not sure I really understood the sculpture - but loved this quote about it, which sat alongside my pondering at the Eye...

"what you see

is not what you see

and what you see

is not what it means"

Suprising.........

2010-10-16T20:40:00.004+01:00

This is a great read - surprising in its approach to the nature of pilgrimage, it challenges and delights in equal measure. A thought provoking approach to the topic it offers both practical ideas and inspirational reflection - a great read. I was sent this by Book Sneeze to review - but the content is my own thoughts offered without influence.

Laughter and tears.............

2010-09-27T20:18:00.004+01:00

A time to cry and a time to dance.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away

Ecclesiastes 3:4-6

It's not often you do a whole bible passage in obvious clarity - but this was my reality in the last 48 hours or so........

People who are important to me with the best news that made me smile with relief, and the opposite that brought tears for their situation. I found things and lost things, and continued the process of grieving, scattering and gathering threads of things from the past that colour my life today.

One of those times to be grateful that there is bigger picture and we have a loving God who knows every detail of it......................

Hold tight...........

2010-09-14T09:47:00.010+01:00

Sometimes there is nothing better than to be held really tight. Whether it's a child holding your hand in complete trust as you cross the road, or one of those big tight hugs that communicates so much more that words ever can - sometimes we need to hold on tight.

We've all been there - those times when life is a perplexing muddle. When we are looking to God for stuff but his word seems dry, the worship passes us by and our prayers seem caught in a never ending bounce from wall to ceiling & back again. When kindly words meant to encourage and the offer of a hug just make it all so much worse.

In those times of frustration or pain, we need ways to express how we are feeling - to friends and those who love us - but more importantly to God himself. And sometimes, when the going gets really choppy, we just need to hold on. Hold on to the faith we have, and the God we know. Hold on even though we can't hear his voice, see his face or feel his presence.

God allows us to go through things that we don't understand. Sometimes it's a test of our faith, sometimes it's part of our healing, and sometimes it's just that life is 'poo' - we'll never know which category our particular struggle has fallen into until we get to heaven (and maybe by then we won't care!). How many times have I cried 'I can't do this' - looking for the reply 'yes you can' - rather than the truth of 'no you can't - let me.........'

The bottom line is God wants us to hold on to him. - even when it feels like we are about to use our last fingernail to do so, because he is God, and he will bring us through. Not our struggle, or our plans or our coping strategy - but His power and His spirit.

"I pray that the God of all hope will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the holy spirit"

Romans 15:13

Hold on.

Remain faithful.

Trust Him.

He will bring you through.

One day...........

2010-09-03T19:35:00.001+01:00

I have a cupboard under my stairs that is full of all kinds of things: boxes, bags and odd shoes - anything that I don't really know what to do with will usually find its way into the cupboard under the stairs, particularly if I have people coming around. As you can imagine it's a mess!

At the back of my cupboard is a big box full of photographs. It contains memories of several years, places I visited, things I saw, memories that I was part of. Photographs that under normal circumstances would be in albums or in frames on display for all to see, inviting people who visit me to share in these precious memories.

But they're not.

Jeremiah 23: 23-24 says "'Am I only a God nearby' declares the LORD, 'and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?' declares the LORD. 'Do not I fill heaven and earth?' declares the LORD".

God is close to us all the time. We can't hide from him and he doesn't hide from us. There's no cupboard under the stairs that we can hide from him in, because he is everywhere.

Because he's everywhere, he sees and knows everything and still loves us. He sees all the junk in my life that I'd prefer to hide; all the things I am ashamed of, all the things I don't know what to do with, are all seen by him. All the things in my life that I'd like to hide away in a cupboard under the stairs are as visible to him as if I had left them out in the middle of the room and yet he promises me that he still loves me and not only that, he wants to go through each bag and box of stuff that causes me stress and put it in order.

He sees the things in my life that are like that box of photographs too. Those photographs that aren't on display because they are the times in my life that are too painful to display, so I keep them hidden away. He sees the pictures and he knows the pain, and he promises me this:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit." Psalm 147: 3-5

God knows every tear that accompanies those photos and offers healing for every painful moment.

Every time I open the door to my cupboard under the stairs & see that box, I promise myself that one day I will sort those photos out. One evening with a trusted friend I will go through them all and work out which ones to keep and which ones to throw away.

God offers us the opportunity to work though our memories too. Talking about some, laughing about many, crying because of others. Moment by moment he wants to flood our lives with his presence, healing and bring new and exciting hope for the future.

Everything............

2010-08-23T09:35:00.004+01:00

"For as the waters fill the sea, the whole earth will be filled with an awareness of the glory of God" Habakkuk 3:14

Over the years I have often asked God to show me more of himself in my daily life - I've wanted to see him more, feel him more and somehow know him more in my every day existence - in the ordinary, humdrum day to day routine.

But lately that prayer has changed. There are so many times in the bible where God is present in the mundane and ordinary that I've started to pray less 'God show yourself', and more 'God give me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to understand'.

Following God isn't like a mystery treasure hunt or game of hide and seek where God hides himself away, and I have to 'look really really hard' to find him. Why would God hide from me? Actually how could he possibly hide, when every fibre of creation sings of his glory......?

Even if God tried to hide himself, creation, the people in my world and my very being would sing of him every day...... If I am willing to listen.

Because sometimes it almost seems too much to take in.... When I incline myself to see, hear and experience God in the every day it can be like a freight train coming at me. Catching even a tiny glimpse of his heart for me, my world and the people in it can be so breathtaking that it is almost too much to bear - it challenges me at every corner as God speaks, explains and holds me in his amazing the depth and beauty. A glimpse of the heart of God is not without it's challenges, but I wouldn't have it any other way...........

May all our prayers today not be about 'hide and seek' - but all about 'seek and you WILL find'.

Sorry........

2010-08-17T20:50:00.003+01:00

It's that film again - no plot spoiler I promise. Just yet another thought provoking line:

"you mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger"

So why are we so afraid of dreaming big?

"God can do anything you know - far more than anything you could ever imagine or guess, or request in your wildest dreams!"

Ephesians 3:20 the Message

Hmmmmmm.........

2010-08-16T20:37:00.005+01:00

Now, this is a bit of a quandary....... I have just seen an amazing film which sparked deep thoughts, but there's a chance that you haven't seen it - so I will need to go carefully........

Inception is a film that seems to provoke two reactions; either 'What?' with a puzzled (or if we're honest, slightly bored looking) face, or 'aaaaamazing' pronounced with at least four exclamation marks and repeated several times......

I have to confess that I am among the latter - on being seated in the Cinema on Saturday night,I was suddenly aware that the muffled ringing of a mobile phone that I could hear was coming from my bag, so I frantically texted the classic 'in the cinema - text me if it's urgent' in reply, fully expecting to text back during a slow movie moment. However, they never got their reply - the film began, and in a matter of seconds I was lost.....

Lost in a mind bending adventure of other worldliness that stretched the imagination, bent the brain and messed with my mind. I can't tell all, as to do so would most certainly spoil the plot for others - but there is one moment that imprinted itself in a 'earth touches divine' kind of way...

A girl experiences something so outside what she believes is possible that it consumes her. Fascinates, teaches, scares and releases a thousand opportunities in one life defining moment. A moment so profound that she knows nothing will ever be the same again. A truly unforgettable moment marked by fear and freedom in equal measure.

So she runs - from the possibility, from the challenge, from the opportunity, from the fear.

And the reaction of the one who introduced her to the moment?

"she'll be back........... reality is not going to be enough for her now"

And so it is - or isn't for me. Once we have experienced things of God - then how can reality - this present earthly reality ever be enough? If one glimpse of the supernatural reality of eternity with the creator of the universe changes everything - then regardless of the pain, regardless of the fear - how can anything else ever be enough?

"Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere" Psalm 84:10

"I need Christ - not something that resembles him" C.S Lewis

Here I am.......

2010-08-11T22:09:00.005+01:00

We all want things........ Imagine something you really, really want.

Something that you feel would make your life complete, but humanly can never happen for you.

Then imagine that God steps in and promises that he will make the impossible happen, and that he will give you your hearts desire............

But then imagine that it takes 25 years for God to deliver on his promise....... How would you feel? Would you still trust God for those 25 years - or would the doubts of the serpent in the garden of Eden creep in - "did God really say........."?

Then imagine that 12 years or so after delivering on his promise to you - God appears to be about to take away the very thing that you have waited for so long for, the thing that he promised would change the shape of not only your life - but the lives of many generations of people to come..... Then how would you feel? Then would you still trust God - and what would you say to him?

Abraham (who you can read about here) lived most of his life on a journey with God towards a place he didn't know into a future he didn't understand which on a human level didn't make sense. He had to trust God would show him where he was going, and how to get there. Promised a son, but having to wait 25 years for him to be born - then 12 or so years later climbing a mountain having been asked by God to sacrifice that beloved child, Abraham's response when God called his name? "Here I am". Whether said in faith or despair, hope or relief, strength or weakness - Abraham's response was simply 'here I am' - do with me what you will........

broken...........

2010-07-15T14:42:00.014+01:00

Ever feel like you are at the end of yourself and there might be nothing left?

I've had one of those times recently...... No big catastrophe, just a series of seemingly small things, that left me feeling weary and lost.

Today I came across this:

"Jesus was broken on the cross. He lived his suffering and death not as an evil to avoid at all costs, but as a mission to embrace. We too are broken. We live with broken bodies, broken hearts, broken minds or broken spirits. We suffer from broken relationships. How can we live our brokenness? Jesus invites us to embrace our brokenness as he embraced the cross and live it as part of our mission. He asks us not to reject our brokenness but accept it and put it under God's blessing. Thus our brokenness can become a gateway to new life......"

Henri Nouwen

And it made sense......

I am broken, others around me are broken - and we're all a bit lost. To live in brokenness together is a hard road to travel. But maybe the only road towards an authentic life.

If we reject our own brokenness then maybe we also reject the brokenness of Jesus - exchanging the cry 'it is finished' for 'it is fine'. We want the brokenness over - he entered into brokenness completely......

To be broken is to be lost. Lost to self sufficiency, lost to individualism, lost to independence. In the greatest paradox, to be lost is the only way to truly be 'found'. Found by love, found by hope, found by freedom. Found by Jesus, by others, by ourselves.

"you are not alone - I'm always there with you

And we'll get lost together, until the light comes pouring through.

It's when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won.

Babe you're not lost.

And you can't bear the cross. I said Babe you're not lost"

Michael Buble

thin................

2010-07-05T10:17:00.006+01:00

I've always been really interested by 'thin places'. The kind of places and times that Sharlande Sledge describes like this "this space, both seen and unseen, where the door between the world and the next is cracked open for a moment, and the light is not all on the other side. God shaped space. Holy".

For many years I have struggled with the fact that I expect Church to be a thin place - but for me it rarely is. Too much crowds in, and too much of me too often gets in the way. But sometimes - and yesterday, was one of those times - the heavens cracked open - and Church became the thinnest of thin places for me. 2 hours of the thinnest line between earth and heaven that opened up an unexpected array of joy, peace, struggle,pain and hope.

The most refreshing of moments - that left me thirstier than ever...........

"in a thin place there is an immediacy of experience where words of faith become words of life..." Sylvia Maddox

looking................

2010-03-21T21:18:00.003Z

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
Helen Keller

starry starry night...........

2010-03-16T21:07:00.010Z

"When I look up at the sky and see the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars you set in place - what are people that you should think about them - mere mortals that you should care about them?" Psalm 8:3-4

I love cold, crisp, starry nights. I'm fortunate to live in a place without too much light pollution, and very often the night sky takes my breath away. Only recently I was so captured by seeing Mars in the sky that my socks froze to the ground - but that's a whole other story..........

Beautiful night skies sing of their creator - the God who mapped out the galaxies, who is responsible for creating matter out of dust. As we gaze at the sky our hearts are moved in awe - but how much greater the awe that the God who created the heavens remembers me - every minute of every day, I am on his mind.

But what should this knowledge bring? More than a fuzzy feeling or a warm glow.... God is so mindful of me - too often God and I are actually mindful of the same thing - me!

How often am I too mindful of me and my cares, and too careless of him and his.............

six............

2010-03-16T20:58:00.007Z

"Heal me Lord, for my bones are in agony" Psalm 6:2

Sometimes sadness can make us physically ache all over - and it's an ache that only God can deal with. Tears come uninvited and unexplained because life is painful.

But we are not without hope.

In the same way that the writer of this Psalm moves from being "worn out with sobbing" to being sure and certain that "God will answer my prayer", so we can be sure that although life is sometimes very, very sad - our beds are awash with tears and we are worn out - we are never without hope.

We are never without hope because God will answer our prayers.

The Voice of Psalms......

2010-03-08T17:46:00.010Z

'The Voice of Psalms' is part of a project by Chris Seay and the Ecclesia Bible Society that attempts to 'engage with the Psalms as never before' by producing work that "involves translation and elaboration, but mostly entering into the story of scripture and recreating the event for our culture and time. It doesn't ignore the role of scholar but also values the roles of writers, poets, songwriters and artists".

There is no doubt that this is a beautiful book - both in the interpretative way the Psalms are treated, and in the crafting and style in which the contents are presented. The attractive & high quality internal appearance inside draws the eye, and the reflections are insightful and thoughtfully written - it would make a beautiful gift.

It is important to understand the highly interpretive nature of the book though - which the author makes no attempt to hide - but which may not be understood by a reader new to, or unfamiliar with the Bible. Whilst the lyrical treatment of the individual Psalms is fresh and inspiring, in some places the breadth of interpretation can be challenging: for example the opening verse of Psalm 11 "I trust in the Lord for protection" becomes "I am already in the soft embrace of the Eternal One" - which left me uncomfortable.....

Having said that - if understood as a lyrical reflection 'inspired by scripture' rather than as it claims, 'a bold new translation and format' this is a beautiful book that I suspect I shall find myself returning to more than once to discover more about 'the Eternal One' - although I will still be more comfortable with him as 'the Lord'!

NB: I received a free review copy of this book from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review blog programme. I received this copy for the purpose of writing a blog review and I was not required to write a positive review - all opinions are my own!

rivers

2010-02-23T20:35:00.020Z

"You oh Lord are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high." Psalm 3:3

Sometimes we simply cannot hold our heads high. Sadness, shame, confusion and the weariness of the world around us all conspire to weigh our heads down and leave us looking at our feet.

At times like this we need to be honest with God & tell him how it hurts, rather than hiding behind some kind of 'it'll be OK' smiling-with-gritted-teeth dishonesty.

Yes - we trust and believe that one day it will be OK - but sometimes life just hurts and our heads and hearts are too heavy for us to bear alone.

But not too heavy for God - his loving care hold our heads up. Like Moses when he led the Israelites in battle against Amelek (see the story here) who couldn't hold his arms up any more, so was supported by his friends when he needed to sit down - so sometimes we are so weary that we need God to step in and hold us up. Sometimes we need to surrender our struggling to 'hold things together', admit that we can't - and trust in the God who can, and will.

This surrender needs to mark our lives beyond the hard times though. Especially in the times when we have plenty to hold our heads high about. When we are proud and full of ourselves, we need that same surrender lest we walk along with our heads held so high that we forget to look down, and so trip ourselves up......

God - the lover of our souls and holder of our hearts: hold our heads and hearts whether we're too weary or too proud - that we may honestly say 'you are my glory', and so sleep in peace........

taste of things to come.......

2010-01-28T19:51:00.005Z

With thanks to Mariella Frustrup in last Sunday's Observer......... Apologies for the length - it's worth it.....

"In modern times life has increasingly been perceived to be all about volume, whether it's in terms of acquisitions, acclaim or adventures. The recent brief blip (pardon me, global financial meltdown) in first-world markets seems to have had one positive effect: that of encouraging us all to reconsider what our lives should really be focused on, obsessive avarice proving unreliable.

The most widespread human ambition for decades has been a pursuit of happiness based on more, more, more. The irony of our penchant for conspicuous consumption being that we then spend most of our time complaining about where to store or how to take advantage of this accumulation of our heart's desires. The most cynical among us might even question the point of archives of books read, places visited and memories attached since you'll most likely forget all the details when senility sets in anyway!

Forgive me for lending my voice to that chorus, but having spent the festive period trying to put some order into trunks full of old photos, I feel you may have struck a sensitive chord! Obsessive ambition and aspiration are the most likely routes to disappointment – and the old cliché of life lived a day at a time, accompanied by altruistic tendencies toward your fellow man, are the only routes guaranteed to induce contentment. A day well spent can never be obliterated, even though without the significant markers of triumph and despair such moments slide into the morass of oblivion to which most of our day-to-day memories are relegated – but often that's where life's real treasure lies.

I met a very old man the other day who had never left the Scottish village where I ran into him. He was as lively, informed and dare I say content as any individual I've met, and unscarred by his lack of tangible interaction with the wider world. Don't let me appear hypocritical: assertions that a lack of aspirational experiences may be close to real-life Nirvana are easy to make when you've indulged yourself and then judged in hindsight. I'm not sure I could have achieved contentment without exposure to the wider world, but this octogenarian's complacency may be no bad thing either.

What I've learned in 47 years is that only the days well spent leave any enduring satisfaction. Looking back through the photographic evidence of so many amazing journeys and colourful crowds of acquaintances made me wonder how much I'd missed while I was busy keeping busy. Now, with two young kids of my own and conscious of the advice of friends who warn that their now-adult offspring's childhoods positively sped by, I've started to greedily savour every moment. This Christmas, aided by arctic weather constraints, we spent an entire two weeks at our house in Scotland without attempting more than a quick wade through the snow in the surrounding hills. Instead of suffering near-terminal restlessness, I don't think I've been as happy in decades. Every day with nothing achieved but familial harmony and a few good meals felt like a triumph unequalled by any career high, exotic holiday excursion or intense romantic encounter. It's shocking to realise how indulging in endless opportunities to scramble to the top of your field or satiate a rollercoaster addiction to lifestyle extremes adds up to not very much. Meanwhile the days misspent in idling, enjoying the company of those you most care for and generally achieving very little are the ones you want to stash in your box of treasures.

Slow down your pace! With so much good stuff in your life, it's imperative you take the time to savour it. Books provide a salutary example in that one truly great read is more than equal to a thousand mediocre stories. Instead of concerning yourself with ticking off experiences and accumulated knowledge, try to focus on quality, whether it's who you spend your time with or how you spend it. Rushing around grabbing everything you can all too often sees you return to home and hearth empty-handed. Ironically, it takes a long time to understand that most everything we need in life is only hugging distance away."

Pop Idol?

2009-12-07T14:07:00.009Z

When I think about 'idols' I tend to go immediately for the obvious - money, possessions, fame and the like, but God has been challenging me very hard recently about what my Isaiah 44 idols really are..... If we are prepared to wrestle honestly with this, it asks big questions of us:

What do we spend precious time investing in?
What do we spend the most money on ?
What can we always fit in even when we're tired, broke or busy?
What are we really living this unique life for - and why?

What would it mean to live a life totally invested in God - making him our 'all in all' - and seeking to see others do that too? Would it bring joy, excitement and fulfilment?

The answer is of course 'yes' - but conflict, pain and struggle may come along for the ride too.........

So maybe the most important question is not 'where are the idols?' - but am I prepared to trade them for a different kind of life - whatever the 'cost'?

Nearer..................

2009-11-30T11:11:00.002Z

"Jesus came near and started walking along beside them."
Luke 24:15

Christ the stranger, who walked alongside friends in their sorrow and shared their bread, give us grace to walk with others on their journeys and so become true companions.

Reblogged from here

Wii Church?

2009-11-20T10:39:00.002Z

As one who is about to enter the world of Wii I couldn't help but giggle at this.........

Loved......................

2009-11-11T21:56:00.006Z

I heard this story a couple of weeks ago written for children by Max Lucardo which touched my soul........

There were once wooden people called Wemmicks. Each had been carved by Eli, a woodworker. "Every Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people could be seen sticking stars or dots on one another".

Stars were for things that Wemmicks thought were good - like being beautiful, clever and getting things right, "Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good that they did something else and got another star. Others, though, could do little. They got dots". Dots were for those who didn't fit in, who didn't look right.......................

"Punchinello got dots. Everything he tried to do seemed to go wrong, and when it did the others would gather around and give him dots. "He deserves lots of dots," the wooden people would agree with one another. "He's not a good wooden person." After a while Punchinello believed them...........

To cut a long story short, one day he meets Lucia - who doesn't care about stickers - infact nothing sticks to her, which makes Punchinello curious so he asks her why. "It's easy," Lucia replied. "Every day I go see Eli."

After agonising for ages because he was convinced someone as amazing as Eli would never want to see him, Punchinello plucks up the courage to go and see Eli. When he gets there Eli knows his name! He knows everything about him! Eli explains that dots and stars don't matter to him. Punchinello is special because Eli made him.......

However badly we feel about ourselves today - we can hang on to the fact that we are special because our 'Eli' - God the creator of the universe, made us, loves us and like Punchinello's Eli 'doesn't make mistakes'.

But there's more............ When Punchinello asks Eli how to make the dots not stick, Eli replies "simply come and see me every day, and let me remind you how much I love you again".

How often does the time we spend with God become about study, preparation, routine, or duty? How different would our lives be if we could simply come to God each day and let Him remind us how much he loves us again?

"May all your dots fall silently to the ground, for if given by man, they matter only to other men" Max Lucado

Life in all its to-do-lists?

2009-09-15T19:46:00.011+01:00

I wonder whether one of the foundational beliefs that many of us carry in our lives is that God somehow wants us so that he can simply put us to work & give us a long 'to do' list'?

That lingering belief that God loves me "but he's most interested in how I'm doing with my job-list of "do's and don'ts" now that he has me....." One of the major "do's" being how well we're doing at sharing him with others........

The problem is, that if our day to day experience of God is just a dry list of jobs - then that is what we'll share with others - perpetuating the myth that a life with God is little more than a divine to-do list..........
Is it any wonder then that so many people find their faith is nothing more than a dry, unexciting, task orientated half-life rather than the amazing richness of the life promised here?

Of course God has, and indeed is, the purpose for life and he has amazing things for all of us to do - but just as importantly, God wants ME and YOU. He delights in us, he wants us whole, he wants us to spend time with him exploring who we are, and what this thing called 'life in all it's fullness' is really all about.

He has made a life for each of us to explore - full of pleasure and delight, richness and reality, relationships and growth, challenge and struggle. That is the life that he wants us to experience and live to the full - that is the life he wants us to share with others, sharing from our desire that they find this rich kind of life too not simply inherit a list of rules.

How often we get so stuck in a list of jobs, restrictions and rules that we forget the fact that real life is about 'God and me' and 'God and you'?

When did we lose sight of the fact that real life - life in all its fullness indeed- is the love story between God and us?

Ordinary People..................

2009-09-15T17:49:00.008+01:00

Zechariah was an ordinary priest who was faithful to God, living a fairly ordinary life. (find him here ). He was on the ‘priests rota’, so when he was on duty he would go off to the church and do whatever jobs he had been given – decided by ‘lot’ so it could be anything and everything. Until one day when it all changed.

Zechariah was in the inner sanctuary doing his thing, when an angel appeared and told him that he would have a son who would be ‘a great man in God’s sight’.

As he was very old, Zechariah was quite surprised by this (both the angel and the news, one would assume) - “are you sure?” he replies “We’re both past it”.

Then - just to be sure – he asks the angel for a sign. The angel strikes him mute – which probably left Zechariah wishing he had been a little more specific in the sign he asked for.........

“God regularly works through ordinary people, doing what they normally do, with a mixture of half-faith and devotion, holding themselves ready for whatever God has in mind” Tom Wright

Zechariah would have known the stories of others like Abraham & Sarah, and Rachel & Jacob who had been in the position of being too old to conceive children, and yet being given sons by God - but he doesn't seem to be able to believe it could happen to him.

How many times do we think we are too ordinary? That the riches of God are for the more gifted, more talented, more obvious people..........

But throughout the bible, God lavishes his love on, and uses ordinary people for amazing things – so why on earth not?

Been away...............

2009-09-01T22:47:00.004+01:00

Took a break from this blog for lots of reasons - but haven't been completely idle! Catch me here and I'll be back on this blog soon!

Shaken and Stirred......

2009-08-06T22:16:00.006+01:00

Too often the people who we expect to be inspired and challenged by are the 'obvious' - the great speakers, amazing worship leaders, and 'celebrity Christians' - but there is so much to learn from those who are alongside us, but don't fit the 'Christian' mould. Those who experience the hardest of circumstances and toughest of lives - those who struggle to hold on to their faith in the most challenging situations - for whom to simply says 'yes' to Jesus is a huge deal.......

When Jesus choose his disciples he didn't go after the most obvious choices - the rising stars of the area or the 'brightest & best'. He chose the ordinary, the outcast and the sinners - the strugglers and those who most people passed by without a second glance.......

May God shake us out of our stereotypes, and stir us into seeing with his eyes...........

"I'll tell you who'll laugh last: the people who don't think too much of themselves; who know their spirituality scores are poor - their ticket to heaven is already in the post (special delivery). " Matthew 5:1 from 'The Liberator' by Rob Lacey

Food for thought................

2009-07-03T11:00:00.014+01:00

I read this today........

"How do we welcome home our lost brothers and sisters? By running out to them, embracing them, and kissing them. By clothing them with the best clothes we have and making them our honored guests. By offering them the best food and inviting friends and family for a party. And, most important of all, by not asking for excuses or explanations, only showing our immense joy that they are with us again. (See Luke 15:20-24).

That is being perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect. It is forgiving from the heart without a trace of self-righteousness, recrimination, or even curiosity. The past is wiped out. What counts is the here and now, where all that fills our hearts is gratitude for the homecoming of our brothers and sisters."

Made me think............

All for Jesus......

2009-06-26T20:41:00.035+01:00

Jesus - all for Jesus. All I am, and have, and ever hope to be.
Jesus - all for Jesus. All I am, and have, and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans - I surrender these into your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans - I surrender these into your hands.

For it's only in your will that I am free.
For it's only in your will that I am free.

Jesus - all for Jesus.
All I am, and have, and ever hope to be.

One of the many fundamental questions that we must ask ourselves if we claim to follow Jesus is 'do I really trust Jesus or not?' We say we trust Jesus for our salvation and all that brings - but do we really trust him with our life right here, right now - or do we think we know better?

Do I take the risk of trusting him totally - being prepared to abandon my 'ambitions, hopes and plans'? Will I seek his voice, his lead, his his way - even if it doesn't fit my wants, my desires, my 'rights'?

The irony is that when I think I know what is best for me - when I seek to create my life in my way but then creep to him and ask for a blessing on what I have created - it doesn't bring peace at all - quite the opposite........

The beauty is that when I am brave enough to surrender all into his hands, however reluctantly, painfully or costly - then I get a taste of the 'peace beyond all understanding' which I crave..............

" ......in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 4 (New International Version)

Every year at YFC we pray this prayer -
maybe once a year isn't enough though -
maybe it's an every day thing..................

I am no longer my own - but yours.
Put me to what you will - rank me with whom you will.
Put me to doing - put me to suffering,
Let me be employed for you - or laid aside for you.
Exalted to you - or laid low for you.
Let me be full - let me be empty
Let me have all things - let me have nothing
I freely and wholeheartedly yield all things
to your pleasure and disposal
And now - glorious and blessed God; Father, Son and Holy Spirit
You are mine, and I am yours,
So be it.
And the covenant made here on earth,
may it be ratified in heaven
Amen

Dirty Fingernails

2009-06-21T21:17:00.013+01:00

"God looked over everything
He had made;
it was so good, so very good"
Genesis 1:31

I have spent today transforming my garden. After weeks of procrastination an impromptu visit to the garden centre was all it took for inspiration to strike, and now what was once a dull square has become a riot of colour. I am tired, grubby and have very dirty nails, but the garden now makes me smile every time I look at it.

If I get this much pleasure from creating a tiny garden - how broad was the smile of God as He created the universe and everything in it?

Sneak Preview............

2009-06-18T19:08:00.009+01:00

I read something this week that made me realise that I’d never really thought about how big the place that we call the ‘garden of Eden’ must have been.

“God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.' Then God said, 'Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.'”

God gives Adam and Eve the run of the whole earth – not a small confined space that restricted their lives – an amazing choice of food and surroundings. Even the special garden that God plants and asks Adam to look after must have been huge as it contained many trees to choose from and a river flowed from it, there’s no indication it was small!

“Then the Lord God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. The Lord God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees that were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit........ The Lord God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. But the Lord God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.” Genesis 1 The Bible

God gave Adam and Eve loads of trees to choose from – an ‘eat all you like buffet’ of amazing variety and choice. Only one thing was off the menu. You’d have though that with all that choice it wouldn’t have been a problem. The forbidden tree should have been quickly forgotten as Adam & Eve indulged in all the other amazing things on offer. But no – even with all those other options that God had provided for their good – Adam and Eve ended up wanting only the one thing they couldn’t have.

How often are we like that? Even though we know God has provided so much for us, we would rather mess with things that we know He doesn’t want for us. How often do we go after what is ‘off the menu’, rather than enjoy all that God provides for our good?

Why do we always want what we shouldn’t have?

Sometimes it’s obvious - too much drink, sex outside marriage, drugs, pornography or other people’s things. But other things are more subtle – we’re jealous of what other people have, their responsibility, their partner, their respect, their life.........

Instead of enjoying and exploring the unique life we have been given – our ‘garden of Eden’- we trade it for envying what other people have.

We may not go as far as eating from the forbidden tree – but we’d actually really like to and spend too much time thinking about it, plotting to get it or being angry that we don’t have it...........

God has given you your own unique ‘life-garden’ to explore, enjoy and live out

What is it for you that destroys your delight in what you have, by tempting you to seek after what is not yours to take?

ps - why 'sneak preview'? Because you got to see it before it appears here!

Caught in a trap.............

2009-06-02T20:11:00.020+01:00

"We can't go on together
with suspicious minds.
And we can't build our dreams
on suspicious minds"

Suspicious Minds
Written by Mark James sung by Elvis Presley

Sometimes I get quite suspicious of God...............
I hope you're not too shocked by that - because actually I think we all do. Although we hear God speak of his amazing love for each one of us in the bible, we often struggle to accept it for ourselves.

Although I know God has provided for me in the past, I too often worry about the future.
I say God is my joy, but too often I struggle to believe he will make me happy in the future - so I look to myself and others to make me happy.
I believe God is the great healer, but sometimes I feel my present hurt is too big - even for him.
I call to him about specific things, and then get suspicious when he answers and provides........

Me: I can't do this.....
God: I know - let me.
Me: Help me.....
God: Yes.
Me: I can't.... will you do it?
God: It's done.
Me: Oh you've done it - but have you really done it? Am I just imagining it? Is there a catch? I should really have done it....

Which is of course all nonsense!
I'm in good company though - an entire generation of Israelites missed their chance in the promised land because of their grumbling and lack of trust. They became suspicious towards God and the end result was more wandering.
Totally trusting God is often a daily decision rather than something that comes 'naturally'. Each day we need to refuse to listen to the thoughts or emotions that cause us to doubt God’s heart of love towards us and instead commit ourselves to resting in his care.

God loves me - he shows me every day how much he loves me. All I have to do is turn again to the crucified, risen Jesus - heaped with my sin, my shame, my mess to regain my sense of perspective. Transformation is done one day at a time - and one battle of trust at a time.

Knowing God proclaims “Not Guilty!” over me and my messy life is the thing that holds my trust together. It's already done, it can't be undone, changed or withdrawn. God won't get tired of me - he knows and understands where, when, how and why my trust wobbles........

So instead of giving in to our suspicious minds, why don't we decide every day to hang on in there - let's just get on with living out the lives of infinite possibility God has prepared for each one of us!

Bumpity Bump..............

2009-05-28T21:02:00.013+01:00

I do a lot of driving in my job - which gives me time and space to listen & think. Driving can inspire, soothe & speak to me in all kinds of ways.

Cars provide a 'safe space' - my own little bubble of being................ usually................

Today I was rudely reminded that the 'bubble' of my car isn't as protective as I would like to think it is, and that it is possible to connect with the world outside in an unexpected and very unwelcome way....... That I'm not so totally safe............. because I had an accident on the way home. A timely reminder that sometimes our 'safe spaces' aren't always as safe as we would like to think they are.............

We create 'safe spaces' in all kinds of ways - some of them good and helpful - where they provide rest, restoration and the opportunity to reconnect with God and others. But we can also create 'bubbles' that are not so good - C.S Lewis puts it well

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Bubbles that we retreat into to protect ourselves feel safe. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes: silence, withdrawal, lack of commitment, inconsistency, 'self-destruct', independence, - we all have our individual ways of putting barriers up. But these bubbles of safety are just illusions - all they really do is disconnect us from God and others. Safe - but dying inside...........

Today I was jolted out of my safe feeling in a car. Too often I need to be pulled away from my desire to hide, protect and run away from the people and things in my life that might hurt me. Every day I need to be reminded to lay down my self-protective habits and learn more from the Master about the sacrificial, unconditional love that leaves me very vulnerable - but truly alive...........

Stop the world..............

2009-05-27T22:44:00.017+01:00

...........I want to get off!

Sometimes life is very complicated..............
Perplexing, painful, confusing or just plain busy.
At times like this we need to retreat to that deep inner place
from which it is possible to say 'everything is all right' - even when it's 'all wrong'.
That inner place where God dwells one-on-one.
The place he invites me to often, but I am careless with my attendance.
The place I lose my way back to, but know I will find again.
The place only he and I know.
The place of Mary not Martha, where I can sleep in the storm.
The place created by him with love - just for me.

“.....every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper”
Henri Nouwen

25 Lesser known things..............

2009-05-25T21:55:00.022+01:00

I have been tagged with this in several different ways - eventually I surrender! Have combined different versions -
so to stop the nonsense - here goes..................

1. I love 'kids' sweets, but have never understood the attraction of sherbet
2. The sound-track of my life would be 'Blue Monday' by New Order
3. I remember the first time I trod barefoot on a slug
4. I have always wanted to be Lorelei from 'Gilmore Girls'
5. I rarely get enough sleep - I'm a night bird who never wants the day to end. I can be irritatingly chirpy or the grumpiest grump in the morning
6. I love opera & classical music. I wish I knew more about them
7. I am fussy about coffee, tea and chocolate - a good Chai Latte is my current soul soother of choice
8. I can explain the offside rule - I learned it to impress a boy.....
9. I wish I had learned to read music - I can play the violin, trombone and sing - but only by ear
10. I believe life is too short for bad wine, cheap chocolate, boring conversation and wasted moments
11. I hate things like this so I'm not telling you anything else
12. There are many other interesting things about me, but I'd rather you discovered them by getting to know me better..............

Birthdays.............

2009-05-22T22:55:00.003+01:00

are beautiful things, and this year I have been particularly spoiled by people who love me - for whom I am very grateful...........

Dirty..................

2009-05-20T19:41:00.014+01:00

"Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume." Luke 7

This woman broke all the rules. She wasn't perfect, she didn't fall in with convention, and she hadn't been invited. She braved the disapproval of those who made and monitored the rules. The ones who thought they knew what was right, who you can almost hear tutting in the background. She cries because she is broken and bleeding. She knows she is in a mess, but in Jesus she knows that she has found the one who will accept her at her very worst even though she has broken all the rules.

Sometimes how we feel breaks all the rules. We don't feel what we 'should', or we feel what we 'shouldn't'. Sometimes rather than admitting what we really feel, we decide to make ourselves fell differently, or if we can't - we decide to feel nothing at all.

Sometimes we need to be like this woman, and trust that 'keeping the rules' matters less to Jesus than pouring out perfume and tears at his feet, ignoring the tutting and the disapproval of the rule makers. Sometimes we need to simply come and let Jesus deal with our mess............

Sometimes we need to tut less and love more.............

Memories are made of this..........

2009-05-14T20:12:00.027+01:00

Today I have smiled all day at the memory of a sweet moment from over 25 years ago when I 'met a boy'.

Not that I hadn't met any boys before, but this was one of those significant boy-moments that stay with us girls for life...............
I went to an all girls school, so boys were something of a mystery.........and frankly still are....

My school organised a sponsored 3-legged marathon followed by a disco to raise money for charity - not unusual in itself, except that in order to take part you had to be in a 3-legged couple with a boy! A clever ploy to raise interest - and clearly it worked - I have no idea what charity was involved, or how much we raised, but even now could tell you exactly what I was wearing..............

My sweet moment wasn't about my 3-legged experience though - it was with a total stranger I met later - who I spent the entire evening with. A boy who was supposed to leave at 9 0'clock - an hour before the disco finished.......... A boy who at 8:55 wound his watch back an hour so that he could stay with me until the end of the evening even though he would be in trouble for being home late......

I can still remember that sweet feeling of realising that this boy wanted to spend a whole extra hour with just me, the sheer romance and delight in that moment.

That is the delight that we can know every day from our Jesus - the total delight in our company, the sheer romance of knowing ourselves loved by him - the many different ways every day that he breathes love into our lives - in the beauty of a quiet moment, a word from a friend, a 'laugh out loud' that comes deep from our soul, a glimpse of his presence in another, the sound of a bird, the sight of a sunset - so many things remind us in every moment that "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. " Lamentations 3:22.

God loves me big and new every morning - and every day I learn more about truly loving him back.........

God falls in love with me all over again every day of my life - and I am learning to do the same.............

Why do we..........

2009-05-11T23:30:00.006+01:00

..........struggle so hard to 'take Jesus to places' - and miss the fact that he's already there?

..........often find ourselves doing what Jesus never did - and rarely doing the things he always did?

..........often try to 'travel alone' when Jesus sent out two by two?

Sometimes.................

2009-05-03T21:29:00.019+01:00

Sometimes our struggle is not so much loving God and others more - but more letting ourselves be loved.......

Sometimes we need to set aside the things we try to do and be to prove that we are loveable, and just let ourselves be loved.......

Sometimes this is the greatest battle of all............

Get up & Grow.....

2009-04-27T21:44:00.021+01:00

We are never meant to be 'static' on our journey with God. There is always more - more to know, more to feel, more to experience, more to do - more, more, more. That's one of the things that makes the journey of faith such a thrill.

How often do we settle for just 'chugging along' though?

How are often are we happy to say that everything is 'ok' rather than looking for more ways to plunge headlong into the adventure of getting to know the creator of the universe each day? We are created for constant growth - which is why the absence of it eventually leaves us bored, dry and asking the question 'is this it?'

“The general human failing is to want what is right and important, but at the same time not to commit to the kind of life that will produce the action we know to be right and the condition we want to enjoy. We intend to do what is right, but we avoid the life that would make it a reality.” -Dallas Willard

If we really want to grow we've got to be prepared to put effort in. If I want to grow things in my garden I need to prepare the soil, create good growing conditions, water and look after the young plants and keep the weeds down.

If we truly want to grow with God, we need to create the conditions that enable the growth God so longs to see happen - which takes effort, genuine commitment and trust that God will do the rest.

“There are very few people who realise what God would make of them if they abandoned themselves into his hands, and let themselves be formed by his grace.” Ignatius of Loyola

What is God growing in you at the moment?
What ground do you need to pay more attention to?
What weeds need dealing with?

In and Out..............

2009-04-20T16:52:00.021+01:00

"Every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character" Oscar Wilde

We all have an 'outer life' and an 'inner' one. Outer life being the one that people see most of the time because it's on display for all to see; our inner life holding our true feelings, beliefs, desires and motivations - generally more hidden away - in fact we can fall into the trap of thinking that no one sees it at all - even God....... Psalm 139 reminds us how foolish we are to think that though...... "God..... I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight. You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence."

Usually our inner life remains hidden, but in times of stress, the state and integrity of that inner life becomes the thing that can drive, sustain or trip us up depending on what shape it's in at that particular moment. If our inner lives are in good shape and our external world goes a bit pear-shaped, we can be confident that we fall back on internal capacity and strength to see us through.
If our internal life is actually a mess - then we are in trouble........ How many times have we been suprised to see people with great looking external lives buckle under pressure?

Jesus asks in the storm 'where is your faith?' He knows when our external world is under seige and wants to know whether our investment in our internal world will lead to strength & belief that will weather the storm.......

Does my inner world strengthen and support a my outer life - or is how I live my my outer life suffocating my inner world?

What am I feeding with my thoughts, actions and energy today?
Godly destiny, healthy relationships, obedience, more like my maker, dreams and vision - or selfish ambition, idle fantasy, instant pleasure, laziness and junk?

What do I really need?

2009-04-15T21:50:00.025+01:00

A long holiday somewhere hot?
New car?
Less month at the end of the money?
Wii Fit?
More chocolate?

I could name loads of things that I really, really need right now!

In a very familiar story (Mark 2), Jesus gets stuck in a house because the whole town has rocked up to see him. A group of friends are so desperate to get their paralysed friend near the front of the healing queue that they rip the roof off the house and lower the poor bloke down on a stretcher right under Jesus' nose.

I've read this story so many times - and even made houses with holes in their roof out of shoe boxes at holiday clubs! But today I was struck again by Jesus' understanding of what the man really needed, rather than what he thought he had come for. He was after healing -and why not - he was paralysed after all........
But Jesus knew what that man really needed - restoration to his heavenly father - 'son your sins are forgiven'. The man got what he really needed - and later what he was originally seeking as an extra bonus.

What would it be like to really live my life truly dedicated what I need - rather than what I think I need? What would change, what would grow, and what would need to die?

We think we need 'stuff' - we need Him.
We seek happiness - He offers joy.
We chase cobwebs when we could be seeking Him.

We cry 'heal me' - He answers:
I have..............

Resurrection..............

2009-04-13T20:15:00.025+01:00

This weekend I've thought a lot about the question

"What does resurrection mean to you?"

Firstly, and most obviously because it's Easter, secondly because I've been part of a blogging project run by Slipstream that you can see if you click here, and thirdly because at church on Sunday the question of the day for me was.......

"What would it really mean for me to choose to follow Christ every day rather than to just say I do?"

Big questions.............

What do I need to be resurrected to? What dreams am I dreaming with God for the future - how does the way I live my life this year, this month, this week, this very day take me one step closer to our dreams becoming a reality?

What do I need to be resurrected from? What habits, attitudes, behaviour and thinking have I drifted into (or run towards) that take me further from the life God intends for me and the dreams we share?

I sense the begining of another adventure for me.......

You?

Paper, scissors, stone...................

2009-04-09T07:36:00.007+01:00

Truth whips falsehood,

good beats evil.
Love wipes hate out.
In my place.

God is for me,
death defeating,
Life imparting.
Face to Face.

God indwelling.
Resurrection.
New each morning.
Such is Grace.

Lost art of living.........

2009-04-05T20:04:00.011+01:00

Hopes and dreams are wonderful things - they inspire and give vision for the future.

But to live only for future hopes and dreams runs the risk of living with bits of our present lives 'on hold' while we wait for whatever it is that we dream about............

The risk is that we miss everything that the present offers for the sake of the future we hope might be. Living this way can leave us hearing the promise of 'life in all it's fullness' (John 10:10), frustratedly asking 'is this it?' because we're living a half-life -
half committed to the present, half waiting for something else.....

To truly live out life in all it's fullness surely means to live fully rooted in the here and now, making the most of every minute of every day - inspired rather than distracted - by the possibilities the future holds.....

Everything.........

2009-04-01T22:19:00.018+01:00

God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping

So often we get caught in the trap of thinking we need to see or feel God to be assured that he's there - when actually of course he is there - because he says he will be - in our every breath, in our every moment.
God watches as we sleep - sometimes prevents us from sleeping because he needs our attention......
God is in every second of every day - we don't need to struggle to find him, or strive to see him - however we feel, what ever kind of day we're having - he is there. Of course that also means that in our foolish times, when we think we can hide what we've let ourselves become, what we're thinking or the true desires of our heart he is present in every breath then too. ........

God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking

How do we find God in our resting, rather than seeing resting as a time to rest from him too?
God never takes a day off from us.
God wants us to acknowledge him in every thought we have - would God think our thoughts, or use the words we choose - sometimes miraculously, sometimes in simple normality, but sometimes I think not............

Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything

Everything........ rather than an add on to our life or a hobby.......
We so easily say we want to put God first in everything, but how often do we actually put ourselves and our needs first and then try to find a way of justifying our choices. Sometimes to truly say that God is our everything, we need to think less about what we 'deserve' and more about God's best for us - which will always be greater than what we think we have found.

God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my watching
God in my waiting

God knows which of our dreams and hopes will grow and be good - he also stands alongside us in that thought life that is deliciously inviting but brings the opposite outcome.
God invites us to turn over all our hopes and dreams to him.
God knows our hearts desire - for good or ill............
God knows what we wait for..............

God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing

God stands alongside us in times of hope and promise that become pain and tears.
God delights to hear us laugh and catches every tear.
God alone offers futures full of hope and promise.
God prods, encourages, draws, drags and welcomes us from hurting into healing.

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything

God gets to everything before us - before we even think to look for him, he is there.
In every present moment, in every second of the past, in every minute of the future - God is there.

Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything

Words from the song 'Everything' by Tim Hughes

Dreaming......

2009-03-23T20:22:00.021Z

To dream... the impossible dream...
To fight... the unbeatable foe...
To bear... with unbearable sorrow...
To run... where the brave dare not go...
To right... the unrightable wrong...
To love... pure and chaste from afar...
To try... when your arms are too weary...
To reach... the unreachable star...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm, when I'm laid to my rest ...

And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...
from Man of La Mancha (1972) music by Mitch Leigh lyrics by Joe Darion

Wilderness......

2009-03-18T22:00:00.016Z

"Immediately the Spirit drove Him into the wilderness" Mark 1:12

Wilderness: Something characterized by bewildering vastness, perilousness, or unchecked profusion.

We know that Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days & nights. But he didn't have a timetable or a schedule when the Spirit took him there. He didn't know for how long, or why he was there. To him it must have felt like this could be his life now. Right on the back of an amazing encounter with his father God, the start of a new chapter in his life - he ends up being led into the wilderness where everything he believed and trusted in is questioned. Hard, painful temptation to turn his back on everything he knew to be real and true.......

We know the Israelites were in the wilderness for 40 years. But they didn't have a timetable or a schedule either when God took them there. They didn't know how long they would be there - and for some of them it was indeed their whole lives. Right on the back of an amazing encounter with God as he led them out of Egypt into a new chapter in their lives - they end up in the wilderness where they have to learn how to be a community again. Everything they knew about life was related to being slaves, and so God needed to teach them how to be free.....

Wilderness looks different for every one of us. But whatever it looks like there will be hard questions, pain and temptation to turn our backs on everything we know to be true. There will also be teaching, learning and new growth but we won't know how long for. There's no pre-agreed timetable or schedule.

God's leading, God's timing, God's teaching.
Our learning, our questions, our growth.

Our trusting that for however long, in whatever way our wilderness comes upon us - we are held by the one who loves us and will never leave us.

"My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Footprints

What makes us real.........

2009-03-14T22:38:00.014Z

Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

I've been a bit wary of writing about films so far because it's so easy to spoil other people's enjoyment (and the plot!) - so if you're planning to watch 'Lars & the Real Girl' you might want to look away now!

Actually I'm going to tease - because this is a film you should watch. For me it was a story of love and acceptance - not in a mushy 'will she get her man' kind of way - but in a heartbreaking, soul searching, tough, questioning kind of way. The kind of love that doesn't have to be a transaction, but is simply offered - the kind of love that is part of our growing up. Love that doesn't judge or condemn, but simply accepts.

The rare kind of love that in the giving sometimes changes and heals the giver as much, if not more than the receiver. The kind of love that makes us real..............

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Is it possible to forget who you are?

2009-03-12T19:42:00.027Z

I sometimes feel I am a living contradiction. Not a hypocrite - more a living, walking enigma that often struggles to 'root' the things I know in my head, deep in my heart. This means that they remain facts and I am dissatisfied because I seek something so much deeper, richer and real.

The choice is a stark one - do I settle for a safe life driven by fact, surety and rules (most of which start with 'must not'), or am I brave enough to face the challenge of stepping into the questions, the unknown and the uncomfortable to seek the deeper, richer, more authentic life?

"It is not death that man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live" Markus Aurelius

I love this............. (blatent blog plagerism)

2009-03-11T23:02:00.013Z

Paul Fromont writes.........."Ignatius of Loyola insisting on God’s presence in all things, denied a group of Jesuit students in his day, permission to prolong their morning meditation time. Instead he reminded them that rather than spending lengthy time in prayer, “they should strive to seek the presence of God in all things – for instance, in association with others, in walking, looking, tasting, hearing, thinking, indeed, in all that they do. It is certain”, he said, “that the majesty of God’s presence, activity, and essence” is in all of these things."

See at at
Prodigal Kiwi

Dirty........

2009-03-11T21:19:00.025Z

"What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" Micah 6:8

I came across this new liturgy for Maundy Thursday from
Mark Berry today which touched my soul.................

Where I judge others
Where I dismiss others
Where I abuse others
Where I ignore others
Where I ridicule others
Where I use others
Wash me clean

Where I elevate myself
Where I think only of myself
Where I want only for myself
Where I gather to myself
Where I hold to myself
Where I value only myself
Wash me clean

Where I seek for power
Where I seek for control
Where I seek for praise
Where I seek for status
Where I seek for fame
Where I seek for wealth
Wash me clean

Instead of pointing to the rubbish others have accumulated from a place of “holier than thou” judgment, calling them to lift themselves out of the mire, we like Jesus bend and kneel amongst the dirt and the hurt, we get right amongst it, see it up close, feel it, smell it, risk its contamination… and wash the feet of those we serve.................

See it all at markjberry.blogs.com/scraping.pdf

Detox...................

2009-03-08T16:45:00.010Z

"I will give you a new heart and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony stubborn heart and give you a tender responsive heart"
Ezekiel 36:26

I've had an unexpected 'detox' for the last five days - probably caused by either a dodgy supermarket sandwich or a rogue piece of scampi, it was both unwelcome and unpleasant!

It's given me 'food for thought' though - about the regular need for more than just a physical detox. Time to think about wider aspects of my life - how I use my time, my relationships, where I am with God and the things making me happy and deeply unhappy at the moment, all challenged me hard about my 'heart condition'.

It's easy to slide into being 'hard hearted' without even noticing it. Pain, inaction, bad decisions, laziness or an attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt again can all conspire to harden our tender hearts - by letting this happen we risk becoming separated from the things and relationships that inspire, capture and breathe life into every day....................

So, as I gently, slowly - and very carefully - move to a more normal, (but hopefully healthier) diet, so maybe I need to do the same in other aspects of life right now - I suspect the resulting detox won't be any less painful, messy or challenging but will be worth every step...................

Big................

2009-03-03T10:23:00.020Z

This weekend I came across a couple who were youth leaders at a Christian camp I went to 26 (!) years ago. We had a great time laughing at memories and catching up on things that have happened to us and other in the intervening time.
As Charles Swindoll once said: “life is made up of 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it”, we had a lot of life happenings and reactions to look back on!

We can rarely control what happens in life, but we can always control how we react to these happenings - what attitude we have, what course of action we take, and as a result, what kind of a person we will become. Sometimes our present situation can feel so overwhelming that it's easy to lose sight of all that went before and all that is to come.......

Anything that is close will always look like it's really big. If you hold a finger up to your eyes, it looks HUGE. You can block out people and even whole buildings! Often the big things than trouble us can become totally overwhelming. They can look larger than anything else and block out other situations, people and even God. How often do we let our circumstances and the way we react to them, close in around us and squeeze God out?

Imagine being really close to God - so close that he just keeps getting bigger and bigger. How would that affect our perspective? When Jesus asked Peter to step out of a boat and walk on water Peter needed to keep looking ahead. The things that he was afraid of didn't go away, but while he looked straight at Jesus, he was able to walk above it. The moment his fears got the better of him, and his trust evapourated, he got wet feet!

I love the Narnia books - in 'Prince Caspian' when Lucy sees Aslan the lion again she runs to him for a cuddle, and is suprised to see he looks bigger. Usually as we get older and bigger it's quite the opposite - things (like creme eggs for example...) look smaller and smaller! But Aslan says to her "I am not (bigger). But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".

The more we grow, the more questions, the more struggles - the bigger we find God to be.
The more I know of God, the more I realise I hardly know him at all, the bigger he gets and the more thankful I am.......

Give it up...................

2009-02-26T14:06:00.019Z

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1

As I was growing up it was very much the thing in my circle of friends to give up chocolate for Lent. This year I've been amused to see how much technology has moved us on, as many people I know have given up Facebook for 40 days! But they are not alone ""The popular social networking site Facebook may see a drop in activity from some of its 175 million users over the next month. That's because more and more users are giving up their so-called addiction to the website for Lent."HUNTINGTON, W.Va.

If I'm honest I've always struggled with Lent and the 'giving up' thing because it can sometimes feel I'm being pressured into something that's either superstitious, or a mark of 'look how spiritual I am that I'm publicly sacrificing......'
Maybe I'm just cynical and slightly envious - as I do genuinely respect those who can give up something like Facebook or chocolate and deepen their fellowship with God as a result but the problem is I know myself too well........ I know myself well enough to predict that I will be drawn into false smugness if I succeed, or feeling a failure if I give in to a bar of Green & Blacks!

Having said all that I do totally subscribe to the notion of Lent being a time to look hard at the things that dilute my passion and drag me away from my Maker. It's an obvious period to find new ways of responding to the life changing love of God in humility and repentance. So over the years I've searched for other ways of making a conscious response to Lent and have found great freedom in 'taking up' or 're-finding' rather than 'giving up'. By which I mean making an intentional effort to adopt new habits, recommit to ones neglected, walk a new way or simply think differently for 40 days.

So if our genuine passion this Lent is to deepen our individual walk with our Maker, then it will look different for each one of us. Who are we (who am I) to judge who has got it 'right' - infact there isn't a 'right to be got' - if we are honestly seeking to be closer to God this month it doesn't really matter whether we give up, take up, fill up or shut up......................

Shut up & Drive........

2009-02-25T21:18:00.011Z

One of the many great things about my job is that I get to drive a lot of different cars - if I'm driving a long way I hire a car, and so far I've had a different one every time! In the last few weeks I've driven a Corsa, a Megane and two different Fiestas. Today I was zipping around in a very sporty black Fiesta 1.6 Turbo, which only had 45 miles in the clock when I picked it up - it has several hundred more on it now.......................

I've never really been interested in cars, but it's funny how you very quickly learn what's important to you - how to get the petrol cap open, where the lights turn on, and where to plug the sat nav in being three things that I know know to be vital pieces of information to me!
I've also started to notice all kinds of differences between makes and styles of cars, and have definitely got more opinions about what 'bells and whistles' I prefer!

Having moved into a new area, I've also been looking for a Church community to settle into, and it's interesting how this too has been a process of working out what is vital to me and what is just 'bells & whistles' in church life. In discovering just how picky I can be about what I prefer I've had to face the fact that many of my preferences are based around finding a church that I'm 'comfortable' in. It's been a humbling process to ask God where he wants me to be, and then have to wrestle with a frankly unwelcome impression that God wants me in a particular church that is far from 'comfortable' for me.......................

Why seek a 'comfortable' Church though? Since when do I want a 'comfortable' life? By rejecting the 'uncomfortable', surely what I'm doing is trying to close the door on things about church that challenge me and so waste an opportunity to grow, learn and understand more about what it means to worship God with my heart, soul and mind..............

2009-02-23T15:45:00.008Z

"Drinking four cups of coffee a day reduces the risk of colorectal cancer by 24%. Coffee has more antioxidant activity than red wine, green or black tea, or orange juice. Simply smelling the aroma of coffee (which contains about 300 antioxidants) gives you the same health benefit as eating 3 oranges......... disciples of Jesus are protected by the 'coffee verse' (Mark 16:18): if you live in the spirit you will be able to drink deadly poison and no harm will come to you"
Leonard Sweet: Soul Salsa

Quality not Quantity?

2009-02-22T17:44:00.009Z

I have never met a Christian yet who is happy with how much 'time they spend with God'.......

In itself an oxymoron - God being everywhere and therefore a constant presence!

"Is there any place I can go to avoid your Spirit?
To be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute— you're already there waiting"
Psalm 139

But I do fight the same battle - wanting to be intentionally 1:1 with my maker, and yet constantly disappointed in my ability to be distracted, disrupted and just plain forgetful..........
Having been raised in the principle of 'daily quiet time' as mark of spiritual maturity it's interesting to continue to explore what it might mean to take seriously the notion that God is delighted by the quality of my time and desire, rather than the frequency or 'box ticking' exercise to alleged maturity.

Maybe it's about resisting the temptation join the rich young ruler in trying to find ways of 'doing something to get eternal life' (Mark 10/ Matthew 19).
He had worked so hard to do everything right, including keeping all the commandments - clearly a better person than I'll ever be!
And yet it still wasn't enough - even he knew he was still lacking - what more could he 'do'?

The answer of course is that there is nothing we can 'do' - no matter how many quiet times we have, if we think that will usher us into eternal life we are going to be very disappointed..........

So what does God require of us?

"How can I stand up before God and show proper respect to the high God?
Should I bring an armload of offerings topped off with yearling calves?
Would God be impressed with thousands of rams, with buckets and barrels of olive oil?
Would he be moved if I sacrificed my firstborn child, my precious baby, to cancel my sin?

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbour, be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously— take God seriously."

Micah 6:7-8

Two................

2009-02-21T13:47:00.010Z

Great quotes that have sat with me this week for very different reasons.................

"Let me bring you up to speed
We know nothing.
You are up to speed.............................."

Pink Panther 2

"I write because I'm afraid to say some things out loud................"

Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 03-13-05

Sometimes we feel like we know nothing - sometimes we're scared by what we believe God is saying and so we say nothing. Sometimes we start by thinking we know nothing, but discover what we know as we speak. Sometimes we need to speak, and sometimes we should stay silent whatever we think we know. Sometimes we speak a load of nonsense..........

"Start with God—the first step in learning is bowing down to God;
only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning. " Proverbs 1:7

Let a thousand flowers bloom..........

2009-02-17T17:01:00.011Z

I saw this yesterday............

It's probably one of the most moving pieces I've ever seen but as with most 3D art, any attempt to reproduce it as a photographic image lets it down.........

A huge painting of Mao is almost obscured by a proliferation of dried roses on stems with huge thorns.............
I find modern art, faith and life itself an exhilarating challenge - some things I inherently 'get' and others leave me puzzled. Some things I understand and others remain a mystery. Sometimes it matters - and sometimes it doesn't.......

If you want to know more about the piece you can find its story here http://www.tate.org.uk/magazine/issue1/newacquisition.htm

Sunshine Yellow and Fiery Red...........

2009-02-15T17:59:00.007Z

This weekend I've laughed at myself.......... a lot!

I spent Saturday at a leadership day called 'Discovery' which majored on understanding myself and others better. I've always loved stuff like Myers Briggs, but this was by far the best (and funniest) model I've taken part in. I discovered that I have 'sunshine yellow' and 'fiery red' energy which means that among other things, on a good day I'm, 'uplifting, spirited, radiant, determined, friendly, complex, buoyant, affirmative, enthusiastic, sociable, dynamic, bold, assertive and always in motion', but on a bad day I'm 'driving, controlling, too excitable, frantic, hasty and intolerant'!
Even the fact that I have an untidy desk most of the time and need to 'see' things to remember them came out in the personality attributes - If you know me you'll see why I laughed a lot! One of the best things about the day was remembering that many of the things that drive me mad about myself are actually expressions of who I am rather than 'failings' - and the very fact that I see all the things I'd like to change so clearly, is actually a result of my personality driven need to move forward............

I learned (and remembered) a lot, and got a few surprises along the way. At one level it would be easy to see this kind of personality modelling as a license to settle for less, and use the findings to dismiss our failings as just things we can't do anything about because the God who created us isn't surprised - either by our strengths or by our weaknesses.
He delights in our complexity, personality foibles and the things that make us intrinsically who we are - He sees us as a precious child, not just a long list of 'things that need to change'. Rather than giving me an excuse to settle for less however this becomes the very inspiation to seek for more .......

"You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day" Psalm 39

God alone enables me to delight in who I really am, facing both my strengths and weaknesses. He always believes in me, forgives me my failings and is truly the reason I live.

2009-02-11T18:35:00.006Z

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Kerplunk..........

Have you ever played kerplunk? Sliding the sticks into the brightly coloured tube then carefully piling the marbles on top being careful not to disturb them lest they fall to the ground - nail-biting tension................

I have too many 'marbles' in my life that I never want to see again. To try & prevent them falling I create a labyrinth of sticks to hold the marbles safe and at bay. Beneath the sticks, life looks straightforward and simple, but look through and above the labyrinth and things become complex and so messy!
Despite my best efforts though, just occasionally, and usually without warning something pulls at one of my sticks and the carefully hidden marbles begins to fall.........

Although it's not a comfortable process, I know deep down that they all need to fall. I should have no fear of this, because I know they don't fall into some garish plastic tray, but into the outstretched hands of my father God. He pulls the sticks because he knows me, loves me, holds me safe and is my rock in this complex messy experience that is life...............

"me he caught—reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out 0f that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field;
I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

Psalm 18:16-24 The Message

2009-02-10T22:49:00.005Z

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"I've put my life in your hands, you won't drop me, you'll never let me down....... I hate all this silly religion, but you God I trust" Psalm 31: 3 & 5 The Message

I cut a couple of my fingers yesterday with an umbrella (don't ask...). It hurts! Today everything I've tried to do hurts or has opened up the cuts again. To be honest I'd have been quite happy to have spent the day with my hands in my pockets!

We all carry wounds with us; some old and healing, others fresh and raw. Things kick us in these wounds and knock the tops off our scabs. Sometimes we take two steps forward in healing, only to take a giant leap back into pain and confusion. Sometimes all we want to do is protect ourselves and hide from anything that might hurt us again.

But sometimes healing only comes through exercising the painful muscle or joint - those who have had a hip replacement are encouraged onto their feet very soon after their operation even though it hurts - because healing will come faster through facing the pain - and laying immobile may actually cause more harm. Sometimes we need to be brave and risk things that hurt - risk those steps forward and back - possibly even falling over in order to heal.......

I know this - I carry 'trust' hurts because of big things that have happened to and around me over the last few years. I also know that my wounds are fragile and my scars are easily knocked off. Every time this happens I face a daily battle to trust people again and not give in to that temptation to protect myself by putting my hands in those preverbial pockets........ I know that to give in to this temptation will damage me and my relationships with others and my God - so I battle on - offering my trust as a gift, and cherishing the trust of others - as who knows what unseen wounds they themselves carry.............

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved" George MacDonald

2009-02-08T17:35:00.002Z

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Today I choose to follow you.
Today I choose to give my 'yes' to you.
Today I choose to hear your voice and live.....

We sang this today and I was struck by how often I wander into the day, and then ask God to be part of what I'm up to once I have started, or simply take for granted the fact that I'll encounter him in the day - rather than my first thought being a choice to follow and give my 'yes'..............

As we were singing I put my hand on the back of the chair in front of me and could feel the vibration of the song through the back of the chair. Such a simple thing, and yet it was almost as if I could feel the worship physically resonating through me.

If only my life were more like this - a vibrating shiver of anticipation that others cannot help but feel when we encounter each other - maybe with more 'choosing' and many more moments of 'yes' so they will..........

2009-02-06T20:26:00.011Z

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Never Dull!

I have just had a very unusual 36 hours........... Had a really good day in Ivybridge near Plymouth yesterday, took 2 1/2 hours to get there (nothing unusual so far).......... left a meeting at at 9:45pm to come home & it was raining in Plymouth...........

45 mins later on a stretch of the A38 I now know as 'Haldon Hill', it was like someone was chucking bucket loads of snow at my car - you may have seen the reports on the tv news today - I was there!
I discovered just how very scary it is to have your mobile battery running out, not to be able to see where the road ends and the ditch starts, and to realise that no-one knows where you are - I felt very alone and was grateful that for most of the night I could see the red tail lights of other travellers ahead of me.............
It was a long time until 3am when the Police & Mountain Rescue (my new best friends) came to dig us out and take us all to the rescue centre where we remained until noon today - it took me 18 hours to get home!

On the way back I saw some of the most amazing 'snow scenes' I have ever seen......... More beautiful than any Christmas card - the trees, fields and landscapes took my breath away.....
But I also saw jack-knifed lorries, abandoned vehicles, upended cars in ditches, trees that had collapsed into the road because of the sheer weight of the snow and cars and vans that had crashed into each other......

What a paradox - the same thing that took my breath away with it's beauty also caused my fear in the night, disruption, distress and serious damage.

How often I am caught in that same paradox - that which I fear the most has such potential to bring beauty, depth and passion - and that which captivates and delights has potential for harm.......

2009-02-03T22:16:00.003Z

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"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul and with all your might" Deuteronomy 6:5

What would it mean for me to truly live this out every day? It's such an easy thing to think I want, to say that I want - but such a challenge to live out every day. So many other things crowd in and steal my dreams, take my time, and sap my energy - or frankly I waste my precious life by being plain lazy......... I get so frustrated with myself because I know things could be so different!

One of the things I am very good at is making long lists of things that would mean I was living my life more intentionally - things I ought to be 'doing', and 'doing better'. The problem is that these good intentions quickly become a stick to beat myself with rather than an encouragement to persevere.

Maybe though - living with greater intention is less about 'doing', and more about 'being' - being the person I was created to be, living the life I was created for, in the way it was designed to be lived. In one sense that sounds easier, and yet it is so much more challenging because I need to exchange my list that screams 'could do better' for cultivating a passion for my maker, authentic relationships, a submitted soul, and the gritty determination to live every day to it's greatest potential....

Now where's my pen.......

2009-02-02T16:34:00.007Z

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Another thing about Donald Crowhurst........

In order to radio in his false positions to race officials, Crowhurst kept duplicate log books - one set documented where he really was (miles off course) and the other set recorded where he claimed he was. I was reminded of this over the weekend by Leonard Sweet in his book '11 indispensable relationships you can't be without'....... "the problem with 'accountability' is that it is too easy to keep double books: one book for your accountability team, and another secret book for yourself".

Makes you think..................

2009-01-31T14:53:00.005Z

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"Blessed are the Peacemakers"............

I've always quite fancied being known as a peacemaker..... It sounds like a lovely thing to be - so nice, so gentle, and frankly very, very holy! Recently though I've had to think hard about what it means to seek to bring peace into several situations that have been going on around me. If according to the dictionary a peacemaker is 'one who seeks to bring harmony and reconciliation between those who are estranged' - then what does that mean out here in the real world?
The Greek word for peace is 'eirene' which paints a gorgeous image - tranquility- like a boat sailing on a calm sea, or - harmony - a song where all the notes blend together. The Hebrew equivalent is 'shalom' which was often used as a greeting. Shalom conveys all the meaning of eirene, but adds to it the depth of not only the absence of evil, but the presence of all things good. To wish shalom on someone is to say "I wish for you not only the absence of things that may harm you - but the presence of everything that makes for your good".

Peace-faker?

It's easy to think that peacemaking is about making things look 'better' - but then how often are we tempted to paper over the cracks, cover the rot, make people feel better or simply ignore the situation & hope it will go away? But surely that's 'peace-faking' - rather than being prepared to grapple with the real issues we ignore them and hope things will 'sort themselves out'?

So peacemaking then? Isn't it about being prepared to get my hands dirty and risk being actively involved, seeking to be real, rather than opting for 'peace at any price'? Scary stuff - and beginning to sound less attractive by the second!
True peacemaking doesn't duck the issues behind estrangement, but seeks to lovingly build bridges to reconciliation between people and each other, and people and God.
Risky though - as more often than not the words that need to be spoken will be less than welcome.......

Like most of us, I have no desire to get involved with needless conflict - but there are times that when standing up for what I truly believe to be the best for someone may stir things up. Sometimes the only way to lasting peace will involve addressing issues which will be painful to work through - and sometimes we are the ones who need to change. Jesus taught that at times, faithful discipleship will place a 'sword' between loved ones (Matthew 10:34).............

Sounds more scary than lovely now.................

2009-01-28T17:52:00.003Z

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Today I learned.................

That Stonehenge is actually very small......................

and.......

That satnavs can be confused......

2009-01-26T15:29:00.010Z

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I've just finished reading "The Strange Last Voyage of Donald Crowhurst". ........

Crowhurst attempted to sail around the world solo in the 1968 Golden Globe race. He had a rough time even before the race started: he encountered all kinds of set-backs - quite apart from the fact that he had no money to build a boat, and wasn't very experienced at sea! However he found people to support him by his sheer personality and enthusiasm "The thing about Donald was that he thought himself God. Everything in his life revolved around his belief in himself, and he was so quick and so clever, he could make others believe in him too. He thought he was wonderful - and he was a smashing bloke - a genius. But he wasn't God, and that's why his troubles were his own fault" Peter Beard.

Crowhurst encountered serious problems from the start, but rather than putting in at the nearest port, he secretly abandoned the race - but continued to radio in his alleged progress to the race organisers, giving carefully calculated - but completely false, sets of co-ordinates. He reported false positions for weeks in an attempt to appear to have completed the circumnavigation without actually going around the world!

Donald Crowhurst died out there at sea, ending his life miles off course.

How frustrating..... It so did not have to be this way! Even after his first decision to report a false position in order to cover up the fact he was doing so badly - this didn't have to be the end of it. His first decision to hide where he was, led to more and more decisons that supported the untruth, until his whole life had become a deception - what a tragic waste.....

It reminds me so much of the prodigal in Luke 15. The decision to take the inheritance early to please himself, wanting it all now, the frittering away, the ending up eating pig food - and then the 'coming to his senses' and going home.

That's what Crowhurst never did. He never faced up to what was really going on. He never 'came to his senses' and changed his course. Even though there was the opportunity to do so - every minute of every day...............

2009-01-24T20:04:00.010Z

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I've had one of those days today when you smile inside & out........

No particular reason, in fact it's been a very ordinary day - full of domestic normality - but on several occasions I've had that tummy clenching feeling of joy that reminds you 'it's good to be alive'!
Ignatius describes a feeling called 'consolation' as when "the soul is aroused by an interior movement that causes it to be inflamed with love of its creator and Lord, and consequently can love no created thing on the face of the earth for its own sake, but only in the creator of all things" so maybe that's what's it's all about...............

2009-01-23T17:43:00.018Z

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"Life is here, all around you and inside you, a succession of astonishments" Leonard Sweet

A while ago before my life changed in so many ways I wrote.................

"I want to live a BIG life - a life that matters, and by its living reaches out to others with a glimpse of what a God-filled life can be. I want my life to be full of everything that God has for me - all the opportunities, challenges, questions and answers.

So why then when I am faced with Jesus' invitation to live 'life in all its fullness' do I constantly only see half the picture? Why do I expect that life in all its fullness means everything should be great - or at least in some way getting a bit 'better', and that if life isn't great, that I have in some way missed the 'fullness' bit?

I don't think I'm on my own here - I've seen loads of people fall into this trap and go searching for a way of escaping the hard times - escape by denial or blame, or ignoring, or moaning, or simply running away from situations that seem to be sending us into a difficult place. But actually I can't see that God ever promises that life will be easy.........

Surely a life of 'fullness' is just that - a complete life, a real life, a full life, a big life, and that type of life inevitably brings good times, hard times, answers and questions, completeness and emptiness and all kinds of other things besides.

It's in the empty, messy, perplexing times when God asks the really hard questions - do you trust me now, or do you only trust me when life is good and you have all the answers?"

2 years and many 'astonishments' later, some thrilling, others really tough - I still wouldn't have it any other way..............

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2009-01-23T16:03:00.008Z

I love reading other people's blogs and have eventually got around to this.............

A place to muse, think, share and question with anyone who cares to read and respond.....

Not usually my final thought, and sometimes deliberately cheeky - I invite comment and dialogue........

I think out-loud in life - so it will also happen here...........

You are invited........

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