Sky Pods & Sunflower Seeds.........

Been in London today having great conversations with interesting people. Looking up at the London Eye and imagining how different the view of London was from the Pods, compared to what I could see - I was struck by how easy it is to get so bogged down with the day-to-day things of life, that we lose our perspective on the bigger picture........

Like Moses in the wilderness who could only do one day at a time - but needed to remember the promise of what was to come.... Our day to day is important - and can bring a rich mix of joy, sorrow, excitement and struggle, but more important is the bigger picture - and our part in it. The danger is that the day to day that we can see, squeezes out God's bigger picture perspective, that sometimes we can't..........

I also spent a (frankly puzzling) half hour at the new Tate Modern Sunflower Seeds installation by Ai Weiwei - I'm not sure I really understood the sculpture - but loved this quote about it, which sat alongside my pondering at the Eye...

"what you see

is not what you see

and what you see

is not what it means"

Suprising.........

This is a great read - surprising in its approach to the nature of pilgrimage, it challenges and delights in equal measure. A thought provoking approach to the topic it offers both practical ideas and inspirational reflection - a great read. I was sent this by Book Sneeze to review - but the content is my own thoughts offered without influence.

Laughter and tears.............

A time to cry and a time to dance.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away

Ecclesiastes 3:4-6

It's not often you do a whole bible passage in obvious clarity - but this was my reality in the last 48 hours or so........

People who are important to me with the best news that made me smile with relief, and the opposite that brought tears for their situation. I found things and lost things, and continued the process of grieving, scattering and gathering threads of things from the past that colour my life today.

One of those times to be grateful that there is bigger picture and we have a loving God who knows every detail of it......................

Hold tight...........

Sometimes there is nothing better than to be held really tight. Whether it's a child holding your hand in complete trust as you cross the road, or one of those big tight hugs that communicates so much more that words ever can - sometimes we need to hold on tight.

We've all been there - those times when life is a perplexing muddle. When we are looking to God for stuff but his word seems dry, the worship passes us by and our prayers seem caught in a never ending bounce from wall to ceiling & back again. When kindly words meant to encourage and the offer of a hug just make it all so much worse.

In those times of frustration or pain, we need ways to express how we are feeling - to friends and those who love us - but more importantly to God himself. And sometimes, when the going gets really choppy, we just need to hold on. Hold on to the faith we have, and the God we know. Hold on even though we can't hear his voice, see his face or feel his presence.

God allows us to go through things that we don't understand. Sometimes it's a test of our faith, sometimes it's part of our healing, and sometimes it's just that life is 'poo' - we'll never know which category our particular struggle has fallen into until we get to heaven (and maybe by then we won't care!). How many times have I cried 'I can't do this' - looking for the reply 'yes you can' - rather than the truth of 'no you can't - let me.........'

The bottom line is God wants us to hold on to him. - even when it feels like we are about to use our last fingernail to do so, because he is God, and he will bring us through. Not our struggle, or our plans or our coping strategy - but His power and His spirit.

"I pray that the God of all hope will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the holy spirit"

Romans 15:13

Hold on.

Remain faithful.

Trust Him.

He will bring you through.

One day...........

I have a cupboard under my stairs that is full of all kinds of things: boxes, bags and odd shoes - anything that I don't really know what to do with will usually find its way into the cupboard under the stairs, particularly if I have people coming around. As you can imagine it's a mess!

At the back of my cupboard is a big box full of photographs. It contains memories of several years, places I visited, things I saw, memories that I was part of. Photographs that under normal circumstances would be in albums or in frames on display for all to see, inviting people who visit me to share in these precious memories.

But they're not.

Jeremiah 23: 23-24 says "'Am I only a God nearby' declares the LORD, 'and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?' declares the LORD. 'Do not I fill heaven and earth?' declares the LORD".

God is close to us all the time. We can't hide from him and he doesn't hide from us. There's no cupboard under the stairs that we can hide from him in, because he is everywhere.

Because he's everywhere, he sees and knows everything and still loves us. He sees all the junk in my life that I'd prefer to hide; all the things I am ashamed of, all the things I don't know what to do with, are all seen by him. All the things in my life that I'd like to hide away in a cupboard under the stairs are as visible to him as if I had left them out in the middle of the room and yet he promises me that he still loves me and not only that, he wants to go through each bag and box of stuff that causes me stress and put it in order.

He sees the things in my life that are like that box of photographs too. Those photographs that aren't on display because they are the times in my life that are too painful to display, so I keep them hidden away. He sees the pictures and he knows the pain, and he promises me this:

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit." Psalm 147: 3-5

God knows every tear that accompanies those photos and offers healing for every painful moment.

Every time I open the door to my cupboard under the stairs & see that box, I promise myself that one day I will sort those photos out. One evening with a trusted friend I will go through them all and work out which ones to keep and which ones to throw away.

God offers us the opportunity to work though our memories too. Talking about some, laughing about many, crying because of others. Moment by moment he wants to flood our lives with his presence, healing and bring new and exciting hope for the future.

Everything............

"For as the waters fill the sea, the whole earth will be filled with an awareness of the glory of God" Habakkuk 3:14

Over the years I have often asked God to show me more of himself in my daily life - I've wanted to see him more, feel him more and somehow know him more in my every day existence - in the ordinary, humdrum day to day routine.

But lately that prayer has changed. There are so many times in the bible where God is present in the mundane and ordinary that I've started to pray less 'God show yourself', and more 'God give me eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to understand'.

Following God isn't like a mystery treasure hunt or game of hide and seek where God hides himself away, and I have to 'look really really hard' to find him. Why would God hide from me? Actually how could he possibly hide, when every fibre of creation sings of his glory......?

Even if God tried to hide himself, creation, the people in my world and my very being would sing of him every day...... If I am willing to listen.

Because sometimes it almost seems too much to take in.... When I incline myself to see, hear and experience God in the every day it can be like a freight train coming at me. Catching even a tiny glimpse of his heart for me, my world and the people in it can be so breathtaking that it is almost too much to bear - it challenges me at every corner as God speaks, explains and holds me in his amazing the depth and beauty. A glimpse of the heart of God is not without it's challenges, but I wouldn't have it any other way...........


May all our prayers today not be about 'hide and seek' - but all about 'seek and you WILL find'.

Sorry........

It's that film again - no plot spoiler I promise. Just yet another thought provoking line:

"you mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger"

So why are we so afraid of dreaming big?

"God can do anything you know - far more than anything you could ever imagine or guess, or request in your wildest dreams!"

Ephesians 3:20 the Message

Hmmmmmm.........

Now, this is a bit of a quandary....... I have just seen an amazing film which sparked deep thoughts, but there's a chance that you haven't seen it - so I will need to go carefully........

Inception is a film that seems to provoke two reactions; either 'What?' with a puzzled (or if we're honest, slightly bored looking) face, or 'aaaaamazing' pronounced with at least four exclamation marks and repeated several times......

I have to confess that I am among the latter - on being seated in the Cinema on Saturday night,I was suddenly aware that the muffled ringing of a mobile phone that I could hear was coming from my bag, so I frantically texted the classic 'in the cinema - text me if it's urgent' in reply, fully expecting to text back during a slow movie moment. However, they never got their reply - the film began, and in a matter of seconds I was lost.....

Lost in a mind bending adventure of other worldliness that stretched the imagination, bent the brain and messed with my mind. I can't tell all, as to do so would most certainly spoil the plot for others - but there is one moment that imprinted itself in a 'earth touches divine' kind of way...

A girl experiences something so outside what she believes is possible that it consumes her. Fascinates, teaches, scares and releases a thousand opportunities in one life defining moment. A moment so profound that she knows nothing will ever be the same again. A truly unforgettable moment marked by fear and freedom in equal measure.

So she runs - from the possibility, from the challenge, from the opportunity, from the fear.

And the reaction of the one who introduced her to the moment?

"she'll be back........... reality is not going to be enough for her now"

And so it is - or isn't for me. Once we have experienced things of God - then how can reality - this present earthly reality ever be enough? If one glimpse of the supernatural reality of eternity with the creator of the universe changes everything - then regardless of the pain, regardless of the fear - how can anything else ever be enough?

"Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere" Psalm 84:10

"I need Christ - not something that resembles him" C.S Lewis

Here I am.......

We all want things........ Imagine something you really, really want.

Something that you feel would make your life complete, but humanly can never happen for you.

Then imagine that God steps in and promises that he will make the impossible happen, and that he will give you your hearts desire............

But then imagine that it takes 25 years for God to deliver on his promise....... How would you feel? Would you still trust God for those 25 years - or would the doubts of the serpent in the garden of Eden creep in - "did God really say........."?

Then imagine that 12 years or so after delivering on his promise to you - God appears to be about to take away the very thing that you have waited for so long for, the thing that he promised would change the shape of not only your life - but the lives of many generations of people to come..... Then how would you feel? Then would you still trust God - and what would you say to him?

Abraham (who you can read about here) lived most of his life on a journey with God towards a place he didn't know into a future he didn't understand which on a human level didn't make sense. He had to trust God would show him where he was going, and how to get there. Promised a son, but having to wait 25 years for him to be born - then 12 or so years later climbing a mountain having been asked by God to sacrifice that beloved child, Abraham's response when God called his name? "Here I am". Whether said in faith or despair, hope or relief, strength or weakness - Abraham's response was simply 'here I am' - do with me what you will........

broken...........

Ever feel like you are at the end of yourself and there might be nothing left?

I've had one of those times recently...... No big catastrophe, just a series of seemingly small things, that left me feeling weary and lost.

Today I came across this:

"Jesus was broken on the cross. He lived his suffering and death not as an evil to avoid at all costs, but as a mission to embrace. We too are broken. We live with broken bodies, broken hearts, broken minds or broken spirits. We suffer from broken relationships. How can we live our brokenness? Jesus invites us to embrace our brokenness as he embraced the cross and live it as part of our mission. He asks us not to reject our brokenness but accept it and put it under God's blessing. Thus our brokenness can become a gateway to new life......"

Henri Nouwen

And it made sense......

I am broken, others around me are broken - and we're all a bit lost. To live in brokenness together is a hard road to travel. But maybe the only road towards an authentic life.

If we reject our own brokenness then maybe we also reject the brokenness of Jesus - exchanging the cry 'it is finished' for 'it is fine'. We want the brokenness over - he entered into brokenness completely......

To be broken is to be lost. Lost to self sufficiency, lost to individualism, lost to independence. In the greatest paradox, to be lost is the only way to truly be 'found'. Found by love, found by hope, found by freedom. Found by Jesus, by others, by ourselves.

"you are not alone - I'm always there with you

And we'll get lost together, until the light comes pouring through.

It's when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won.

Babe you're not lost.

And you can't bear the cross. I said Babe you're not lost"

Michael Buble

thin................

I've always been really interested by 'thin places'. The kind of places and times that Sharlande Sledge describes like this "this space, both seen and unseen, where the door between the world and the next is cracked open for a moment, and the light is not all on the other side. God shaped space. Holy".

For many years I have struggled with the fact that I expect Church to be a thin place - but for me it rarely is. Too much crowds in, and too much of me too often gets in the way. But sometimes - and yesterday, was one of those times - the heavens cracked open - and Church became the thinnest of thin places for me. 2 hours of the thinnest line between earth and heaven that opened up an unexpected array of joy, peace, struggle,pain and hope.

The most refreshing of moments - that left me thirstier than ever...........

"in a thin place there is an immediacy of experience where words of faith become words of life..." Sylvia Maddox

looking................

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
Helen Keller

starry starry night...........

"When I look up at the sky and see the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars you set in place - what are people that you should think about them - mere mortals that you should care about them?" Psalm 8:3-4

I love cold, crisp, starry nights. I'm fortunate to live in a place without too much light pollution, and very often the night sky takes my breath away. Only recently I was so captured by seeing Mars in the sky that my socks froze to the ground - but that's a whole other story..........

Beautiful night skies sing of their creator - the God who mapped out the galaxies, who is responsible for creating matter out of dust. As we gaze at the sky our hearts are moved in awe - but how much greater the awe that the God who created the heavens remembers me - every minute of every day, I am on his mind.

But what should this knowledge bring? More than a fuzzy feeling or a warm glow.... God is so mindful of me - too often God and I are actually mindful of the same thing - me!

How often am I too mindful of me and my cares, and too careless of him and his.............

six............

"Heal me Lord, for my bones are in agony" Psalm 6:2

Sometimes sadness can make us physically ache all over - and it's an ache that only God can deal with. Tears come uninvited and unexplained because life is painful.

But we are not without hope.

In the same way that the writer of this Psalm moves from being "worn out with sobbing" to being sure and certain that "God will answer my prayer", so we can be sure that although life is sometimes very, very sad - our beds are awash with tears and we are worn out - we are never without hope.

We are never without hope because God will answer our prayers.

The Voice of Psalms......

'The Voice of Psalms' is part of a project by Chris Seay and the Ecclesia Bible Society that attempts to 'engage with the Psalms as never before' by producing work that "involves translation and elaboration, but mostly entering into the story of scripture and recreating the event for our culture and time. It doesn't ignore the role of scholar but also values the roles of writers, poets, songwriters and artists".

There is no doubt that this is a beautiful book - both in the interpretative way the Psalms are treated, and in the crafting and style in which the contents are presented. The attractive & high quality internal appearance inside draws the eye, and the reflections are insightful and thoughtfully written - it would make a beautiful gift.

It is important to understand the highly interpretive nature of the book though - which the author makes no attempt to hide - but which may not be understood by a reader new to, or unfamiliar with the Bible. Whilst the lyrical treatment of the individual Psalms is fresh and inspiring, in some places the breadth of interpretation can be challenging: for example the opening verse of Psalm 11 "I trust in the Lord for protection" becomes "I am already in the soft embrace of the Eternal One" - which left me uncomfortable.....

Having said that - if understood as a lyrical reflection 'inspired by scripture' rather than as it claims, 'a bold new translation and format' this is a beautiful book that I suspect I shall find myself returning to more than once to discover more about 'the Eternal One' - although I will still be more comfortable with him as 'the Lord'!

NB: I received a free review copy of this book from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their book review blog programme. I received this copy for the purpose of writing a blog review and I was not required to write a positive review - all opinions are my own!

rivers

"You oh Lord are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high." Psalm 3:3

Sometimes we simply cannot hold our heads high. Sadness, shame, confusion and the weariness of the world around us all conspire to weigh our heads down and leave us looking at our feet.

At times like this we need to be honest with God & tell him how it hurts, rather than hiding behind some kind of 'it'll be OK' smiling-with-gritted-teeth dishonesty.

Yes - we trust and believe that one day it will be OK - but sometimes life just hurts and our heads and hearts are too heavy for us to bear alone.

But not too heavy for God - his loving care hold our heads up. Like Moses when he led the Israelites in battle against Amelek (see the story here) who couldn't hold his arms up any more, so was supported by his friends when he needed to sit down - so sometimes we are so weary that we need God to step in and hold us up. Sometimes we need to surrender our struggling to 'hold things together', admit that we can't - and trust in the God who can, and will.

This surrender needs to mark our lives beyond the hard times though. Especially in the times when we have plenty to hold our heads high about. When we are proud and full of ourselves, we need that same surrender lest we walk along with our heads held so high that we forget to look down, and so trip ourselves up......

God - the lover of our souls and holder of our hearts: hold our heads and hearts whether we're too weary or too proud - that we may honestly say 'you are my glory', and so sleep in peace........

taste of things to come.......

With thanks to Mariella Frustrup in last Sunday's Observer......... Apologies for the length - it's worth it.....

"In modern times life has increasingly been perceived to be all about volume, whether it's in terms of acquisitions, acclaim or adventures. The recent brief blip (pardon me, global financial meltdown) in first-world markets seems to have had one positive effect: that of encouraging us all to reconsider what our lives should really be focused on, obsessive avarice proving unreliable.

The most widespread human ambition for decades has been a pursuit of happiness based on more, more, more. The irony of our penchant for conspicuous consumption being that we then spend most of our time complaining about where to store or how to take advantage of this accumulation of our heart's desires. The most cynical among us might even question the point of archives of books read, places visited and memories attached since you'll most likely forget all the details when senility sets in anyway!

Forgive me for lending my voice to that chorus, but having spent the festive period trying to put some order into trunks full of old photos, I feel you may have struck a sensitive chord! Obsessive ambition and aspiration are the most likely routes to disappointment – and the old cliché of life lived a day at a time, accompanied by altruistic tendencies toward your fellow man, are the only routes guaranteed to induce contentment. A day well spent can never be obliterated, even though without the significant markers of triumph and despair such moments slide into the morass of oblivion to which most of our day-to-day memories are relegated – but often that's where life's real treasure lies.

I met a very old man the other day who had never left the Scottish village where I ran into him. He was as lively, informed and dare I say content as any individual I've met, and unscarred by his lack of tangible interaction with the wider world. Don't let me appear hypocritical: assertions that a lack of aspirational experiences may be close to real-life Nirvana are easy to make when you've indulged yourself and then judged in hindsight. I'm not sure I could have achieved contentment without exposure to the wider world, but this octogenarian's complacency may be no bad thing either.

What I've learned in 47 years is that only the days well spent leave any enduring satisfaction. Looking back through the photographic evidence of so many amazing journeys and colourful crowds of acquaintances made me wonder how much I'd missed while I was busy keeping busy. Now, with two young kids of my own and conscious of the advice of friends who warn that their now-adult offspring's childhoods positively sped by, I've started to greedily savour every moment. This Christmas, aided by arctic weather constraints, we spent an entire two weeks at our house in Scotland without attempting more than a quick wade through the snow in the surrounding hills. Instead of suffering near-terminal restlessness, I don't think I've been as happy in decades. Every day with nothing achieved but familial harmony and a few good meals felt like a triumph unequalled by any career high, exotic holiday excursion or intense romantic encounter. It's shocking to realise how indulging in endless opportunities to scramble to the top of your field or satiate a rollercoaster addiction to lifestyle extremes adds up to not very much. Meanwhile the days misspent in idling, enjoying the company of those you most care for and generally achieving very little are the ones you want to stash in your box of treasures.

Slow down your pace! With so much good stuff in your life, it's imperative you take the time to savour it. Books provide a salutary example in that one truly great read is more than equal to a thousand mediocre stories. Instead of concerning yourself with ticking off experiences and accumulated knowledge, try to focus on quality, whether it's who you spend your time with or how you spend it. Rushing around grabbing everything you can all too often sees you return to home and hearth empty-handed. Ironically, it takes a long time to understand that most everything we need in life is only hugging distance away."